Monday, May 30, 2011

"One Of Those Lives"

What a crazy place that we have been thrown into. Nothing will ever be "the same" and we surely can't be "normal". An aching heart doesn't know how to be "normal" anymore. I am still having a hard time with the stigma of "childhood cancer". I am AMY, the mom of a precious angel. I am not as strong as I seem, I am not as "put together" as it appears. What I am is ME, crazy, chaotic, funny, bitch, sometimes a little off the wall... ME!

I was strong because I had to be. I had no choice, my son needed me. I got through the days because of the precious smile, kisses and love that Bryce gave to me. I put up a good front courtesy of Disney World and the Pixie Dust that is inserted into your blood when you sign the papers to become a "Cast Member". I am no different than any other mother that has a child that needs them. I am honored beyond words that I inspire people. I love finding inspirational quotes to end each blog post with and I hope that I am doing a good job honoring Bryce in my own smiles and laughter. But... my heart is forever broken.

I am not looking for magical answers or pity...that's not my style. What I am looking for is a way to make Bryce proud of his mommy. To make sure that people laugh and smile. To show everyone that there is "No Day But Today" and to get out there and reach for their goals.

Today my friend Karen (who LOVES Brad Paisley) told me about a song on his new album called "One of Those Lives"... She told me I should listen to it because it was about childhood cancer from a "friends perspective". O'WOW... I think I am officially a Brad Paisley fan now. I mean I always liked the songs on the radio, but I don't own any of his CD's or anything like that. This song is absolutely amazing! It really hits home! Honestly, I have said it before "Childhood Cancer" is a conversation killer, it usually stops people in their tracks and they have no idea what to say or how to continue on with a "normal" conversation. To hear this song and know that it is out there on a VERY high profile celebrities new album touches me very deeply. It's like WOW he gets it!

As we try to find "normal" again, we are challenged with trying to keep Bryce a very big part of our everyday. My mom put new pictures up on the mantel of Wade's pre-k graduation and my nephew Brian's 1st grade picture... Hmmmmm.... what to do! So I printed out a bunch of 8 x 10 photos of Bryce so she would have them to "change out" on the mantel. So tonight I will leave you with a quote from Wade. I think it's appropriate to show that our family will forever be changed because of Bryce and that we will always carry him in our hearts. At dinner tonight, out of nowhere Wade said:

"Brycie Is The Spice Of Life" ~ Wade Raub

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