Thursday, July 21, 2011

Destiny or "Choose Your Own Adventure" ... You decide!

Life, it's full of ups and downs, detours and obstacles. How we choose to get around those obstacles is a decision we have to make when we reach "the fork in the road". But what if destiny does exist what if our lives really are mapped out for us, what if it's not really a "Choose Your Own Adventure"? Is it possible that everything really does happen for a reason and that we need to just have faith that something amazing will come of what we have been through. Let's see where the "crazy" lady is going with this shall we.

Yesterday American Airlines announced that it was going to "spin off"...polite way of saying Get Rid Off... American Eagle, the regional carrier. This has been the buzz for several years but the official announcement was made yesterday and is really kind of devastating for someone who for American Eagle Airlines... like oh ME! My Facebook news feed has been blowing up with friends freaking out over what a "Spin off" means for us, where does that leave us, what does that mean...will we have jobs, will the company be able to stand alone? After everything that we have been through the past 2 years with Bryce, I calmly said to my mom, when she too started getting worried about "what that means" ... I am not worried at all. What it means is possibilities, it means change, it means new direction...what ever happens George and I will be ok. I LOVE my job, I love working for the airline, I love having the ability to travel, I really enjoy the position that I am in, but I am not going to stress myself out over what the future holds as no one really knows right now. I will "choose my adventure" when the fork in the road appears, until then it's business as usual.

Have you ever had a conversation with one of your parents where you sit there staring at them wondering who is sitting across the table from you. It can't possibly be "MY" mom, the words coming out of her mouth are far from what I expected to hear. Well, yesterday at lunch my mom and I were talking about the future and the possibilities of American Eagle changing completely. I was expecting my mom to say things like "what about money, you have bills to pay", "Be responsible, maybe you should look for another job now"... But instead she said, I think the Airline was given to you at a time that you needed it. Disney was a great experience for you but the Health Insurance would not have been able to support Bryce's needs as well as American did. You were brought to Texas because it was the best place for Bryce (mind you Bryce was born 2 years after we moved here). You had access to the best hospitals, American Airlines provided an outstanding Health Care Plan and the position you were in offered you a very flexible schedule so you were able to work while Bryce was in treatment. Perhaps now "that journey" is coming to an end. Wow, mom...WOW.

I Love my job and will stay with it as long as it exists. If American Eagle stands strong I want nothing more than to stand beside it and continue working. But if the company can not stand on its own or can not find another Mainline Carrier to partner with, I kind of want to try my hand at full time "mommy". For my friends that know me well, you can get up off the floor now... I know you just fell out of your chairs. But, Bryce has changed so much in my heart. Wade starts Kindergarten next month. I want to get up in the morning and make him breakfast, taking him to school and then come home, clean the house, run errands, get dinner going and then go back and pick him up from school. I don't want to have to rely on after care or my mom. I want to be Susie Homemaker, cooking (yes yes I know I would need to take lessons on that one), cleaning, and taking care of my family. Life comes at you so fast, people really need to slow down and realize that family and friends are what's important, not "things". I want to be able to enjoy life more, play at the park (when it's not 100 plus degrees outside), do what Wade wants to... dinner at 6pm at the dining room table, as a family... Perhaps our parents, and grandparents, were on to something there!

So as my "Choose Your Own Adventure" book comes to a Fork in the road I hope that "destiny" or Bryce can find a way to make it the most amazing option possible for our next adventure!

If you can find a path with no obstacles, it

probably doesn't lead anywhere. ~Frank A. Clark

Thursday, July 14, 2011

The Unpacked Suitcase... Sitting in the corner, waiting on life to resume...

Have you ever scoured the house looking for a piece of clothing. You know the last time you wore it but can't seem to figure out where you put it. It hasn't been seen since... Hmmmmmm.... today Hmmmmmm became a realization! 212 days ago, 7 months, December 14, 2010 we returned home from our Walt Disney World/Disney Cruise Line Vacation. 7 months ago and the suitcases were never unpacked. I came across them today, and realized "that's where that is". Strange how life just gets put on hold. Bryce started to show signs of fatigue on our vacation, he was tired a lot and wanted to be held. We figured it was just a long trip and his sleep pattern was messed up, I mean it couldn't be the cancer he was doing so good. It was at the airport waiting for the flight home that we really started to get worried and called the oncologist for advice... Bring him in as soon as you get back, was what we were told. The next day we were at the hospital with him and he was immediately admitted... this was the last admission. December 14, 2010 thru January 6, 2011... as our world stopped and then crashed down around us the suitcases from our fabulously wonderful family vacation were dropped at the front door to remain pushed aside, no longer important. Today I was moving things around and realized, they were still packed!

Another realization from today, I lost a filling 2 years ago! Has it really been that long? I went to the dentist today and they asked me when I lost the filling, I kind of laughed and said 2 years ago. The look of astonishment on their faces was filled with disappointment as the Dentist said "Do I need to give you a lecture right now" and I replied "No, my son was battling cancer for the last 2 years and passed away in January I have been a little preoccupied and finally have time to take a breath and take care of my needs"... Yea that pretty much stopped the conversation. His reply, like most everyone else was "O' my, wow... I'm sorry" then he said "No lecture for you today". As I braved it through the appointment (I'm not a fan of the dentist) it was time for me to get my next appointments set up and pay. As I was sitting there going over the work that needed to be done (Root Canal with a crown...O yes, I am so looking forward to that) it took ALL in my power not to cry. My emotional side was already tapped by having to tell the cancer story, but then the song "I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me came on the radio. Que the water works... NO YOU MUST HOLD BACK, Don't cry Don't cry!!!

So now I am trying to find ways to cheer myself up. I have the evening alone, me thinks it's time for some ChocoVine (chocolate wine... the best stuff EVER) and some Franklin and Bash followed by The Glades!!! Now if only we could get California to share some of their cooler weather with the rest of the US we'd be all set... I mean a high of 69 degrees in San Francisco while it's a heat index of 110 degrees in Dallas/Fort Worth... Does that really seem fair? I think NOT!

Much love to everyone and remember, when you can't find your clothes, check the suitcases from your vacation they maybe be still sitting in the corner waiting on life to resume!

Memory is a child walking along a seashore. You never can tell what small pebble it will pick up and store away among its treasured things.
~Pierce Harris, Atlanta Journal

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Sending Hugs to "the Angel Playground in the Sky"... Love you Bryce

Words can not describe how I feel right now. I grew up in Pinellas County and moved to Orlando when I was 19... so Yes, I fell prey to the Casey Anthony Trial. I have followed this since the day they reported Caylee missing. All I have to say right now is I MISS YOU SO MUCH BRYCE. Mommy loves you more than I can ever express. I would give anything in this world to hug you and love on you. I miss you more every single day that goes by. My heart is forever broken that you are not here with us. It is appalling to me to watch a mother day in and day out show no emotion that their child has died, it makes me angry and mad to see her partying and out living it up while her child is gone, "supposedly missing". Not a day of my life will go by that I will not have a broken heart, not a day will go by that I don't think of what we lost, not a day will go by that I will not think "Bryce would love this".

My thoughts on the verdict: I believe Casey is guilty, I believe she accidentally killed her daughter, I believe she is a whack job and a liar... BUT we need to remember that our society is based on innocent until PROVEN guilty. Not Guilty based on the information provided does not mean Innocent, it means reasonable doubt! Not Guilty does NOT mean Innocent... The family is destroyed, the stigma will remain forever and someday she will have to answer to Caylee... What makes me MAD is that there was a case in MA in April where a CANCER MOMMA was convicted of attempted murder, child endangerment and assault and battery for withholding Chemo from her autistic cancer-stricken son. REALLY, a mother who's son has relapsed makes the decision to NOT continue with chemo is convicted of his murder... Are you kidding me... Have you ever witnessed cancer treatment, have you ever seen what these kids (or anyone for that matter) go through. A mother loving her son and giving the ultimate sacrifice to stop treatment is convicted of attempted murder... but Casey Anthony gets to live the rest of her life free of responsibility.

These are my opinions and I know that everyone has their own thoughts about this case as it was so Highly publicized. But let's remember that she is really the only one that knows what really happened. She is the one that will have to answer to Caylee someday as I am sure that God will place her in her path first. No mother would allow their child to go missing for 31 days without telling anyone, this is my biggest hang up... but a jury of her peers has decided that she is not guilty, it is what makes the USA different from other countries and we need to respect that.

I will now go back to actively helping, advocating, supporting and loving my Cancer families. I will now turn off CNN and remember the 46 families that are getting the heartbreaking news that their children will be embarking on the battle of a lifetime... that families will be saying tearful goodbyes to their precious angels today, tomorrow and everyday until we find a CURE. Sending LOVE, HOPE and PEACE!

Just one last note... THIS is a memorial tattoo... It does not talk about "The Beautiful Life" it reminds me EVERY DAY that MY son is an angel at the hands of Childhood Cancer and it gives me strength to continue on my mission to find a cure for the Children still battling the beast!

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. ~Norm Crosby