Thursday, January 19, 2012

Random Acts of Bryceness

There was a time in my life where I sat and watched John Edward talk about the after life and people watching over their loved ones while he was doing "readings" on a talk show and thought... Hmmmm that's interesting, but there's got to be more to it, he couldn't possibly be "talking to spirits"... I'm starting to believe that he might just be on to something.

I have shared several stories about what I have come to call "Random acts of Bryceness". First there were the text messages at 2am which allowed me one more goodbye before he passed away (at 3:45am). Followed by Shannon and "The Purple Monkey", there was the Book of Hope falling off the top of the boxes when I was having a really hard day, My onion in my salad making the perfect "cancer ribbon" on my fork at Chili's and the song "He's My Son" playing on the radio while I was having a meltdown at the Dr's office. Well... I have another story to share from yesterday as well as one that happened a little bit ago that I never shared.

In December we did the same vacation that we did with Bryce as a family in 2010. We went to Disney World and on the Disney Cruise. Castaway Cay (Disney's Private Island) is kind of our "solace" as Bryce truly loved it there. We don't have a grave site to visit so the hammock that he laid in on Castaway Cay is our "special place" and we were looking forward to going there to be in our little piece of paradise. When we arrived to Castaway Cay Betsy (George's sister) found a cat... totally random right. A Cat on an island in the middle of the Bahamas that is visited only by Disney Cruise Ships. Betsy and Wade sat and played with the Cat for awhile as we wondered where this random cat came from. We continued on with the day and spent some time laying in Bryce's hammock, looking at the sky and just being "in the moment" before we headed back to the ship. A few days later, talking to friends of ours, we mentioned the cat and they said "Oh yes, that's Casey" My heart stopped and I said to myself OF COURSE it is... See, in the book "Heaven Is For Real" (if you haven't read it I highly suggest it) there is a part of Colton's journey where he tells his mom that he met his sister when he was in heaven, a sister he didn't even know about as she was a miscarriage. When his mom says "What was her name" Colton replies, "She doesn't have one, you never named her". That really hit my heart and stuck with me. A couple months ago George and I had a miscarriage and I said we HAVE to name the baby, remembering this part of the story it was not an option the baby HAD to have a name. The name we choose...KC. So here we are on Castaway Cay, our place of solace to relax and remember Bryce and the Island Cat's name is Casey... Of course it is, why wouldn't it be :-)

On to yesterday. George has been having problems with his shoulder. It's been bothering him lately so he went to the Dr to have it checked out. His blood work came back normal and the X-Ray showed nothing so they set up an MRI for it. It could be anything but of course everything runs through your head. As we arrived at the MRI yesterday George was like, I shouldn't be worried it's probably nothing but.... so I could tell it was getting to him. Not 2 minutes after he was called back the front door opens and in walks a husband and wife. As they approach the counter I can not help but think "I know this guy". As soon as the women said her name to check in it hits me it's Sonny Burgess.... OMG really Bryce, Really!!! Sonny Burgess is a Nashville Recording Artist that just so happens to live locally and frequents Cook Children's Hospital. When Bryce was in the hospital Randy Travis, Charlie Pride, Gloria Barron, Jolie Holiday and SONNY BURGESS performed a Christmas Show for the kids. It was a great day for us as Bryce was able to come down from his room and enjoy the event. It is a memory that George and I hold very dear to us... and here at the very moment when we are trying to figure out what is wrong with George's shoulder and a little "on edge" about the MRI, in walks Sonny Burgess... I have to admit, I cried! I sat there trying to be calm and not make a scene, but tears started rolling down past the giant smile that was on my face as I said to myself "thank you Bryce, thank you".

George asked me the other day if I think maybe we are reading too much into these "Random acts of Bryceness" if maybe we want them to be signs from heaven when really they are just coincidental... I said NO. If ever I doubted before... I truly believe now!

"It's not your imagination - sometimes a "coincidence" comes with a lot of Angelic effort."

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

An Angel Reaches Down to Comfort

As we grow closer to Bryce's 1 year "angel"versary I have been having a really hard time functioning. Friday he will be celebrating one year in Heaven. While I know he is surrounded by greatness, it still hurts to think he has been gone from us for a whole year... ALREADY! Another mom said it perfectly today " Somehow over the last 12 months, time has continued to move on at its usual high speed with no regard for the fact that I haven’t kept up with it." ... exactly, who said that time could pass so quickly? The past few days I have felt a huge weight, a sadness so heavy that I can't do anything to shake it. Yesterday I was scheduled to work a double shift. I was at such a low I was not able to focus... I could barely function and decided it would be best if I went home, so I left at 3pm unexcused absence... but it was the best decision for my personal/emotional well being.

This morning my mom and I went to the Dr, the real purpose of the visit was for my mom to get some prescriptions renewed but she made me go with her so that I could ask about getting some type of medical leave or FMLA set up. We wanted to see if there were any options available. We are very close to our family DR so she is very aware of what has been going on and all the stress our lives bring... Right as she handed me a tissue to wipe away my tears Bryce put his hand on my heart and said "mommy it's ok"... You see at that very moment, right when we were talking about his 1 year "angel"versary and how hard it has been for me... I heard, ever so faintly, over the conversation, the radio from the hallway, and stopped mid sentence... I said "shhhhhh"... my mom and the DR both thought I was nuts as I started to cry and then got a great BIG smile and said... Everything is OK, I am OK.... You see the song that was on was "He's My Son" by Mark Schultz. It is a song that we used at Bryce's funeral and a very powerful and emotional song.... One that I have NEVER EVER heard played on the radio... One that I never expected to hear on the radio... and here it was right then, right there, right as I was having a meltdown and trying to figure out how to make the heartache bearable... Like a Purple Monkey (for those that remember the Purple Monkey story) coming right out of Heaven and saying ... "Mommy it's ok, you're ok, I'm here with you" Yes Bryce... You are here with me Forever and Always!

For those of you that might not be "believers" or have a hard time finding "faith" What can I say... No matter how you look at it we have had so many "moments" since Bryce passed away, moments like this that can't be explained other than to say ... An Angel (our angel) reached down to comfort us... AGAIN!

God not only sends special angels into our lives, but sometimes He even sends them back again if we forget to take notes the first time! ~Quoted in The Angels' Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994

"He's My Son" by Mark Schultz
(for those that have never heard it)