Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Raising Awareness and Missing my baby while being Selfishly Lazy!
I don't even know where to start. This post has been started, erased, restarted, erased again. My mind is all over the place, I am in a place right now where my mind can't keep up with me, so I apologize if this is choppy or seems unfinished. I have been very tired, but unable to sleep. I have had headaches but no sickness with it. I have been motivated but can't possibly get out of bed to do anything. I need to clean the house, I need to clean the garage, I need to do the laundry, I need to go to work...and yet I have no desire to do anything. Is this depression, is this my body finally saying you don't have to be strong anymore lets take a little time to download and process. They say grief comes in stages, is this another stage? Have I finally been given downtime that I was not privy to when Bryce died? How on earth do I get people to understand that I am not blowing them off, I am not trying to be a bad friend...what I am is a broken hearted mommy that is being "selfishly lazy".
As we are coming up on 6 months without Bryce, George has come across the "National Angel Quilt". We have both said that we will do EVERYTHING possible to spread the word about Childhood Cancer and help to raise funds to find a cure, so George contacted them to have Bryce added to the Quilt. We have chosen this picture to adorn the Quilt as it tours the US. We will also be able to write on it, we have chosen some quotes and a few special comments about Bryce. The Quilt also has a book that tours with it sharing the Children's Journeys. I am so honored that Bryce will be included in this amazing opportunity to spread awareness!
National Angel Quilt:
We are also getting closer to September when I will be joining the 46 Mommas in Washington D.C. where we will stand together as one for the kids. As Momma Mindi said the other day ... "Hair grows back... Kids Don't". I can't wait to meet the most amazing Momma's I know... You don't know strength and determination until you have met a Cancer Momma (or Daddy)!
Depression, is not a sign of being weak. It is a sign that you have had to be so strong for too long